Thursday Thought: How do we show love?

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So true, but is it really that simple? Beltane always brings up discussions of relationships. Boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands.

Is love really all we need?

I think so, but it isn’t that simple. This grannyism, comes with so much more meaning than that. It is the love and how we show that love that is, for me, the most important. We all speak love differently. We each have a unique way of showing people how much, or how little we value their presence in our lives.

What are some ways to show our love?

  1. Words of Affirmation.
  2. Acts of Service.
  3. Quality time.
  4. Gift giving.
  5. and Physical Touch. 

Last year I read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages book, which I highly recommend for anyone going through relationship struggles. It is designed for heternormative religious married couples, or for your children, but I find it extremely effective for improving any sort of relationship. If you take the test that I suggest, just substitute the necessary pronouns or husband/wife for boyfriend/girlfriend. If you click here, you can take Gary’s test to discover what is your love language?

“The 5 Love Languages® profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.

The profile consists of 30 pairs of statements. Check the one statement in each pair as the one that best represents your desire—although you may agree with both. If you have trouble deciding which statement you most prefer, use the process of elimination (i.e. which one would you be okay without). Allow 10 to 15 minutes to complete the profile. Take it when you are relaxed, and try not to rush through it.

Words of Affirmation: Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Quality Time: In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Physical Touch: This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Acts of Service: Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
-5 Love Languages

Can you guess my primary love language? Here’s a hint, it’s in the banner on the top of this screen. Haha, yes! Words of Affirmation is my primary Love Language, however my second & third are pretty high. My second is equally Quality Time and Touch. And my third is Gift giving. People are complicated creatures, and we all don’t fit into one single box. We change with time, so this is a test to retake every now and again. Make it a part of your annual Beltane practice, and have your mate do it as well! It’ll keep you two on the same page for sure, and it will give you some insight in how to speak your partner’s language and show them how you want to be treated.

For me, the quality time is very important to me, which is why I think I can get easily offended when others are half-listening or are fiddling with their phones when we are spending time together. I’m also known for my extended hugs and love for cuddling. I am a very visual person, and not only do I love to be shown that I am cared for in these ways, it’s also how I show love to others. By being affirming and motivating, spending good-quality time and by putting serious thought into the gifts I give others.

This is how I show my love. How do you show yours?

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